The inner voice: guiding light, alter ego or inner saboteur?

Going away is always the most cathartic process for me. A change of scene, people, food, air, everything. Being in a place where nobody knows your past or your present, where nobody has expectations or views on anything but what they see in front of them at that present moment, can be the most liberating feeling. My trips are usually simple, modest places in quiet or remote areas, immersing myself in nature and escaping everything that’s normal in my daily life.

I also feel nothing but gratitude for the fact I am blessed to be able to travel, when so many people cannot. The places I travel to are usually as stark a reminder as I need, the struggles the people there face in daily life from ill health to poverty. Travel is a luxury, and I constantly remind myself of that fact, and thank God and the Universe for allowing me this extreme luxury. Why do I work two jobs, the early mornings, the late nights, the hundreds of kilometers of driving? For this.

So this year’s ‘soul trip’ was Goa, a yoga holiday, which will come as no surprise. The majority of it was spent at Yoga Magic, which I can only say, was truly medicine for my soul, followed by bamboo huts on the beach at Bamboo Yoga Retreat in South Goa. I have been going through a lot of life questions and big decisions lately so I needed time away from the distractions of daily life to reflect and come back to the me who I enjoy being around; the calm, fun me, not the tearful, anxious, stressed out and emotional me who I have been in recent weeks. Being away was a good opportunity to reflect on those two sides of my life, however, to take a good look in the mirror and have some space for self reflection.

We all have an alter ego; that little voice in our heads that tries to whisper things in our ear, the doubts, the fears, the what ifs. Mine tells me to forget the mumbo jumbo of my faith in the Universe/God/whatever the something bigger than us is that you want to call it. My alter ego is a feisty bitch born of two parents who told her she can be anything she wants when she grows up, who was supported through all the failures and successes along that path, the alter ego who tells me to take life by horns and fight, to do whatever it is I need to to get to the destination I want, even when things are in my way. “Pick yourself up,” she says. “Don’t give up,” she shouts. Balancing these two opposing forces isn’t always easy. Sometimes we have to trust and let go, accept, surrender to the fact life has a path for us and believe it’ll really all be ok. And at other times, we do have to get up and take life by the horns, chase opportunity, follow those dreams and make them reality. Even, take risks. I guess the challenge is knowing when to pull or push, and when to simply let go.

So coming ‘back to reality’, what does this all mean in daily life? I think it means both. There are times to trust, to have faith in the fact we definitely have a path, that the Universe does have things mapped out for us. But just like DNA, that path isn’t immovable. We can alter that, as long as we are in the right mindset. Positivity and hope, science has proven are medicinal. So whatever happens, whatever the decisions are, I think we all know the answers really. For now it is time to accept what is, and have faith in what will be.

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